Ambitious, Not Exhausted: The Identity Shift Every Working Mom Needs

Are you ambitious… but exhausted?

In this powerful episode of Mindset Mastery Moments, Dr. Alisa Whyte sits down with executive coach Rebecca Olson to unpack the hidden struggles of high-achieving working moms. From the silent identity crisis that often follows motherhood to the pressure of cultural expectations, this conversation goes deep into what it really means to succeed without losing yourself.

Rebecca shares her practical Three C’s Framework—Clarity, Confidence, and Control—to help ambitious women reclaim their identity, set boundaries without guilt, and build sustainable work-life balance.

If you’ve ever felt successful on paper but drained in real life, this episode will shift how you define ambition—and empower you to rewrite your rules.

Key Takeaways

• Women often feel exhausted despite their achievements
• Cultural expectations can create internal conflict for mothers
• Defining success is a personal journey for every woman
• Setting boundaries is crucial for emotional well-being
• Women need to reclaim their identities beyond motherhood
• The Three C’s framework helps women find balance
• Emotional management is key to overcoming overwhelm
• Women can have fulfilling careers and be present mothers
• It’s important to prioritize self-care and personal time
• Success is about making empowered choices

Connect with Rebecca Olson

🌐 Website: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com
🎙 Podcast: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/podcast
💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebolson/
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccaolsoncoach/

🎁 Free Resource

Download Rebecca’s Free “Daily Kickstart” Morning Practice to stay ahead of stress and overwhelm:
👉 https://www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/daily-kickstart

Keep mastering your mindset.
Think. Speak. Do. Become. ✨

Transcript

Dr. Alisa Whyte (00:03.545)
Welcome back to Mindsip Master Moments. Now, let's be honest for a second. There are women listening right now who are crushing it on paper. Career's moving, family handled, responsibilities met, but internally you're tired in a way sleep doesn't fix. You're ambitious, but never done, successful, but sort of always behind, capable, but constantly carrying. And nobody talks about that part.

Today's conversation is for the woman who doesn't want to quit her life. She just wants it to make sense again. My guest today is Ms. Olson, an executive coach and speaker who works with ambitious working moms, navigating high pressure careers without losing themselves in the process. Rebecca supports women who are done living on the hamster wheel, checking boxes, managing calendars.

Hitting goals that still somehow leave them feeling empty, stretched, tin, emotionally exhausted. Her work centers on helping women reclaim their time, set boundaries without guilt, and lead with calm instead of chaos. Not in theory, but in real freaking life. And if you've ever felt like you're doing everything, but still questioning whether this is what you should be doing and you're questioning what is success really?

And what is it supposed to feel like? I'm telling you, this episode is for you, Rebecca. We are so excited to have you on Mindset Mastery Moments. In your own words, tell us who you are and what you do and why you do what you do.

Rebecca Olson (01:46.894)
Thank you for having me. It really is such a pleasure to be here. You know, when I really start to think about why I do what I do, I take it back to when I was pregnant with my daughter. Now, she's 11, so we're gonna go 12 years ago, right? When I was pregnant with her. And it took a lot for us to get pregnant with her. And so when she was there, it was very obviously meaningful for us. And I went through what I now...

Now I call it, I realize now it's so normal, but I didn't know it at the time, but I call it the motherhood identity crisis. And it was this, it's this moment where I, so many women, once they start having kids go, my gosh, what am I doing with my life? Who am I? Do I really want what I want? What matters to me? What do I care about? What do I like? You know, it's kind of all these like really deep kind of big questions that start to really surface for us at this

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:22.098)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:26.962)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:31.952)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:41.906)
Wow.

Rebecca Olson (02:44.89)
transitional moment, which can happen in other transitional moments, you know, for us as well. But this is a big one and it was a big one for me. And I had to kind of do a lot of deep diving during that time internally, kind of figure out what is it that matters to me? You know, what is it that I want to do in my life, in my career? And it was a very confusing moment that I had to walk myself through over the course of about a year. And ultimately it led me to coaching and it led me to want to be working with women in the same kind

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:48.092)
For women, yeah.

Rebecca Olson (03:14.87)
intersection of motherhood and career and helping them kind of navigate a lot of those big questions.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (03:20.368)
You are answered prayers and you're, you're, you're actually right. When you said the transition causes that, but here's the thing, a lot of people, and that's why you're, I mean, let's face it. get no exaggeration, at least three to five, sometimes even more guest pitches per day for this podcast. But you are the only one of you that I've met. Now.

A lot of people work with, a lot of women work with high achieving women, but specifically understanding that transition, that mindset, that chemical hormonal switch that goes. And so a lot of women, believe Rebecca feel what you just said, but because we are expected to just be a mom, your mom now, mean, there.

Rebecca Olson (03:47.574)
I love it. Yeah, of course.

Rebecca Olson (03:57.238)
Yeah, yeah.

Right, right.

Rebecca Olson (04:12.012)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (04:15.938)
I think the world just goes, you're all these great things. That's awesome. We love who you are, Rebecca. You're a great, you have a great company. You have a great product, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But now you just get to add mom to it. That's, that's, should, yeah, you Rebecca. And then we're done. We're not, we don't know how are you feeling? This is why I look at my friends and I say, how are you? No, no, no, no, no. Really? How are you?

Rebecca Olson (04:30.702)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (04:37.23)
Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, there is. I think we give a lot. We have progressed. I just want to give credit to the fact that we've progressed an immense amount since the women's movement in around the 60s and 70s. That's where a lot of the story, I would say, begins for the transition of how we as a culture think about women and motherhood. So we've come a long way.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (04:40.07)
What do you think about that?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (04:57.98)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:03.302)
Yeah, we have. We've come a long way. Thank God.

Rebecca Olson (05:07.208)
And we've still got a long way to go. We as a culture have still have it in our mind that we as women should be moms and it should be our priority. And that when we become a mom, all of our other priorities don't matter as much, right? It's almost like embedded in, it's an embedded in a way of thinking. And so all of a sudden we...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:08.432)
Check out!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:25.702)
Mmm.

Rebecca Olson (05:32.718)
So we expect women to work now, right? We have an expectation culturally that women are gonna be in the workplace and they're gonna be an integral part of the workplace. But we also embedded in the culture as a belief that they should be the primary caretaker to our children and they're the best primary caretaker for our children. And we're not gonna give in any kind of support for that on all sorts of levels. Like it's kind of wild how we are, it's an equation of failure.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:35.314)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:52.529)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (06:01.422)
for women on so many levels. I mean, I remember one story I like to think about, and this just kind of blows my mind every time I think about it for myself. so I came back from maternity for, thankfully I had four months with my daughter, came back and it was right around January 1st, basically. And so we were going right into annual reviews and it was, so I went into my annual review. So now remember I worked like eight plus months.

And then I took three and a half months off in that year, right? So I went into the annual review and I was not being given a raise that year. It was the first time in the six years I had worked there that they weren't putting me up for a raise. And in my mind, I didn't even question it. I was like, oh yeah, well, I went on maternity leave. guess you're right. That's just the penalty for going on maternity leave. I didn't even question it. It's been years later that I was like,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:30.482)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:35.762)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:45.658)
I was gone.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:55.314)
be programmed.

Rebecca Olson (06:56.622)
Wait a second. That's not fair. But it was me. You know, it just shows me how much this is just the way we, it's embedded in the way we think, right?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (07:09.212)
Yep, yep, yep. It's just an in it part of, yeah, I don't deserve it. Yeah, I didn't earn it.

I can't stand that.

Rebecca Olson (07:20.686)
Yeah, I need to prove myself more, right? The proving, the feeling of needing to prove yourself even more once you become a mom, you know, it goes through the roof. If you were ever a people pleaser before that, Then you just, exponentially it goes up, right? All of a sudden.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (07:28.466)
You're You're not right.

The thing is research has shown men would not accept it. They would go and be like, hey, I was just wondering why I did not get, no. And it's funny, also there's a part of society that would not even try it with a man.

Rebecca Olson (07:38.861)
Right, right.

Rebecca Olson (07:46.07)
Yeah. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (07:52.91)
Oh no, I mean actually what we actually know from statistics is that women, I can't remember the specifics off the top of my head, so I'm kinda making it up, but I'm not gonna be that far off in my numbers, okay? it's like women go down, I wanna say it's like 8 % in salary, something along those lines, man, I'm gonna get this wrong, but it goes down per child while men go up something like 3 to 5 % every year per child.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:03.632)
right you want.

Rebecca Olson (08:24.278)
I mean, so we already have a gap, a gender gap, right? And so it's about eight cents to the dollar or so right now. So then if you include motherhood in that, goes moms in comparison to women that don't have kids, it's like 23 cents or something like that. It's a big difference while men just went way up, like our differential went.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:26.15)
That's yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:40.678)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (08:49.044)
It's so men are given a reward for being parents. It's like we also as a culture are like, we need to support our men because they're supporting our families. And so we continue to have all of these stories that we all have to navigate.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:02.066)
So we're running on an old program. Yeah. Because that's the old way of how the world work. It would make sense. So we never, so I feel like you said, we've come such a long way. I think we're agreeing that we've come such a long way, but there's so many ways to go because it's like we've created space, but we haven't created systems for what we've fun times. This is what we're here for. But here's the thing. So many high performing women do feel like they're constantly being pulled.

Rebecca Olson (09:07.617)
It is. It is.

Rebecca Olson (09:21.87)
Correct. Correct.

Rebecca Olson (09:26.678)
I know, I know.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:31.95)
in those 10 different directions, work, family, expectations, identity, yet none of it fully adds up. They're right, we are. Yes.

Rebecca Olson (09:38.266)
And they're not, the point is they're not wrong, right? They are from a systematic level, they are, and we have a bunch of internal stuff that's embedded in that that is also causing that as well. Absolutely, absolutely.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:47.194)
On what that's supposed to look like, right. And trying to catch up with it. And so that's where the addition becomes something, all these additions become really just a bag of dissatisfaction from your work. What's the real internal struggles that women are facing, but rarely say out loud. Where do you, how, what have you come down to be?

Rebecca Olson (10:13.812)
Yeah, absolutely. mean, because this is, you we have a long way to go to change the system. And in the meantime, that's the work that I do. Right. Like in the meantime, what we're not just going to settle for where we're at. You know, my job, my job, it's my whole life's work really is to empower women to be able to make the choices that they want to make. Right. Despite.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (10:33.554)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (10:35.392)
not being completely supported by the external system. And so what, you know, if I come back to my own story in this like motherhood crisis moment that I went through, and for some women that's like when they get pregnant, for others it's after they've had the kid or a couple of kids, right? And they even realize they're in this like, my gosh, what's going on? That internal conversation is not talked about a lot.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (10:58.393)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (10:59.662)
And I find there's a shame involved in it. Like, am I allowed to be thinking about my career when I have young children? There's this feeling of shame and guilt if you're going to decide to basically not be a stay-at-home mom, even if you don't even have that option from a financial point of view, You still feel the expectations that you're not meeting. And that is, it's...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (11:25.596)
Bye.

Rebecca Olson (11:29.494)
there's a difficult conversation that I think a lot of women need to kind of press into to be able to openly say, is how I feel. now I realize having so many moms around me, some women really love the young stage.

of babies and some don't and we feel lot of shame around that. We should love every age of our kids, right? And I can tell you, I was not a baby person. I mean, I don't want to go back to that age. I'm just meant, I'm getting into the sweet spot right now for me, right? But it-

Dr. Alisa Whyte (11:53.496)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (11:58.855)
I know.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (12:02.47)
Right, are you in your 40s?

Rebecca Olson (12:06.089)
I am. 43.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (12:07.09)
I'm 45 and it is my sweet spot. I guess I'm gonna say it this way, but I want everyone not to think that it's because I'm boohoo crying every day of my life. Unfortunately for me, or I would say the way my life path has been, I did not have any children and I can't have them and I won't be having them. So that's the journey for me. So motherhood in the sense of traditional motherhood was not for me, but I did.

Rebecca Olson (12:10.498)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (12:36.706)
I managed to get pregnant and have a miscarriage and I did somewhat deal with that identity loss and questioning only because my whole life and everything I was building up until that point included becoming a mother to the point where I did have my nursery and I did have the whole thing set up and all that stuff going. So motherhood was never not a part of me. However,

Rebecca Olson (12:43.608)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (12:56.92)
Wow. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (13:02.232)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (13:02.662)
because I was not able to have children and then it would be such a high risk for me to even continue trying. I had the feeling as a woman who was successful in my career, educated and all those things going, well, who am I supposed to be? Then I went through divorce a year and a half after the miscarriage. so that catapult. while I, yeah, while I don't,

Rebecca Olson (13:20.599)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (13:28.342)
Another redefining moment, yep.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (13:31.644)
have the exact thing because actually being, I'm not saying one is better than the other, but actually being a mother, it's like you look around, you can't choose not to be a mother. If you get to choose what kind of mother you're going to be today. And I say, it's okay. Just as long as you keep them safe and fed and you're not breaking any of the, the human codes that are also legal codes, you're doing a rocking good job.

Rebecca Olson (13:44.864)
And yeah.

Rebecca Olson (13:55.629)
Yeah.

I mean, I can only imagine how, you I would never think about this because I'm a mom and I have kids, but being a woman that doesn't have kids and then has made, you know, on some level of choice eventually, you know, to not continue to pursue that. Yeah, exactly.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:12.07)
body did my body said, no, my body said, no, I had to, I'm open about it. I had to let my uterus go four years ago. So God can do his miracles. I trust him on that, but I don't think he's going to try to get a 50 year old non-uterus woman to have. think he has a different plan and sure. has a different plan at this point.

Rebecca Olson (14:20.078)
Yeah, yeah,

Rebecca Olson (14:29.848)
Totally, But how often are you asked if you have kids? Like how often does that conversation come up? It has to come up all the time, right? All the time. so, and I would, and I would, yeah, all the time, cause it could be a triggering point. And I would imagine a lot of people don't know how to respond when you say you don't. We don't know, we don't know what to say.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:36.769)
my God.

All the time. That's why I have to, I had to continue healing. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:51.698)
Exactly. And they think, so we have people who think, oh, I'm pretty sure you don't have kids because you're so accomplished that you didn't want to mess with that. And that judgment at one point was offensive. So I always look at them and said, no, I don't have any kids. I said, I don't have kids. I don't have any dogs and I don't have teddy bears because I used to have a lot of teddy bears and I laugh. I don't even have a goldfish. So I have a lot of, I have a lot more time. Let me, let me be the one in the

Rebecca Olson (15:04.577)
Yes.

Rebecca Olson (15:15.202)
Right. my gosh.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (15:19.12)
professional world that takes on, I'm like, Nope, you go take your kids to soccer. Nope. You go take care of that. I always think that as, I guess for me that some people thought I was playing small. I'm like, no, because God has not allowed me or this life or this time did not allow for me to have the responsibility of being a parent. Every day of the week or all day. So for me, I believe that those that are, if I can support their role, that's what I am in this case, I am a, I'm a support and actress.

Rebecca Olson (15:40.344)
Sure.

Rebecca Olson (15:45.87)
I mean, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Very important.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (15:49.042)
And I'm going to get the Academy for that one. Okay. But there are times when I'm like, I need to leave because my niece has a birthday party that she's going to. And I'm the parent for that one. I, when I first moved here, there were little, I have gone to so many birthday parties to now I go to their games, their basketball games, and I'm looking at these kids and I'm like, there's no way you're this big. How old am I?

Rebecca Olson (15:54.508)
That's right. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (16:16.272)
because I was the parent who was taking everyone to birthday parties. And my sister and our husband got a break from that because they were in college plus doing church ministry and all those things. And so the village, right. But for me, again, I believe that we underestimate and here's what I hear consistently. They're not failing. They're functioning and functioning has become the new version of success, but functioning

Rebecca Olson (16:20.748)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (16:43.352)
Hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (16:43.972)
Rebecca, I know you talk about this isn't fulfillment. Why do you think women in high stress roles just normalize exhaustion as a price for ambition? Because.

Rebecca Olson (16:46.872)
Yeah. No,

Rebecca Olson (16:54.518)
Yeah, because they don't know any other way. I mean, that is it's like we haven't problem solved. They're not thinking strategically and problem solving for it. We assume that that's what the reality is. Right. And I

Dr. Alisa Whyte (16:55.985)
Woo!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (17:04.7)
Mmm.

Rebecca Olson (17:06.22)
I mean, I remember just recently I was having a conversation with a girlfriend. We were we went on a walk and got coffee and she she's the breadwinner of the family, makes really good money, super demanding job in health care. And as she was talking to me, she was like, well, I think literally out of her mouth said, well, that's just, you know, it's the price of this demanding job. And I stopped her and like, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, I just want you to remember that you can have a really high paying demanding job.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (17:26.194)
Mmmmm

Rebecca Olson (17:35.406)
and you don't have to feel overwhelmed. And you she kind of looked at me, it's like, can I really? It's like, I have to push it into that. You know, I try not to be a coach to my friends, but I have moments when I have to do that because that's the kind of pushback I have to give my clients. have to say, I mean, because the only other option is to be resigned to an okay, fine life that you're just simply functioning in, but you're not really experiencing joy and presence and you're missing out and regretting a lot of things. So you want that?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (17:38.418)
part.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (17:48.176)
You have to.

Rebecca Olson (18:05.01)
Or do we wanna assume that it's possible for you to crush all of your goals and not feel exhausted and overwhelmed and not enough all the time? If it's the second, then let's do the work. We'll figure it out, right?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:15.74)
That is not cool.

Exactly. So you guys heard it. She's a disruptor. She will disrupt your, your, your train of thought, limiting beliefs and shift you back into order with yourself. She's a disruptor. So let's talk about boundaries and guilt. We already been kind of, you already brought us there because she's literally living without boundaries and living in a form of guilt. And that's not necessarily where she lives, but there's this part of her thinking.

Rebecca Olson (18:31.842)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:48.07)
That says it's okay. everyone's or should resign to it. Right? So everyone says the word, but very few people practice it without guilt. You coach women to set boundaries without feeling selfish, anxious, or like they're letting everyone down. This is so important, Rebecca. This is so, so important. What's the mindset shift that has to happen before boundaries actually stick?

Rebecca Olson (18:51.906)
or resign to it.

Rebecca Olson (19:05.399)
Yep. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (19:19.448)
So when it comes to boundaries, it has to level up to a higher vision. Boundary setting is almost something, we can almost think about it like it's something that happens outside of you. And we can get into that a little bit. It's like the action that you take that comes from a mindset that supports it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (19:36.036)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (19:46.654)
And that part of that mindset is a very clear vision for yourself of what your priorities are, what matters to you, what you value, what you think success is, what you think balance is for that matter. Your brain needs to have a very clear sense of direction around...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (19:55.559)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (20:09.521)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (20:11.538)
what these things are in your life so that you can then decide what you should be, what priorities you should be protecting with your boundaries and which ones you shouldn't. And so that's when it's gonna get easier to hold to your boundaries when the no or the decision that you're making with your boundary is being supported by a much deeper why and reasoning.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (20:21.643)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (20:25.436)
Right.

Rebecca Olson (20:38.058)
then it's gonna feel so much clearer to you while you're doing it. It's gonna feel way less icky for you to do that.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (20:43.928)
I agree. I agree with that. So let me challenge this. Is the problem really time management or is it identity management?

Rebecca Olson (20:54.574)
Yeah, it's really identity management and we optimize with time management. So I don't want to disregard the idea that time management is a thing. Of course, you could figure out how to be more productive with your time and it would help. There's no question, right? So there isn't, but a lot of people start there instead of it being really the last thing, because it's the last step of the process that I take my clients through is we kind of go on and optimizing.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (21:00.01)
Dr. Alisa Whyte (21:08.54)
Yes, yes, no question.

Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (21:23.21)
We go to an optimizing level, which is a lot about time management. First, to your point, we have to dig into the identity stuff first. We have to make some decisions around who you are, what you are today, what matters to you today, and put a lot of language to that so you have that crystal clear vision as you go about making decisions for how you're gonna spend your time.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (21:45.156)
I'm sure. And my follow up question to that is what do you find that a lot of women are obviously that you work with are over giving. and they're afraid of who they'll be if they ever stop like over giving and letting people just run all over them and sort of show up for everybody and be this and then still be the successful woman they, they are.

Rebecca Olson (22:12.61)
You know, it's, I would actually frame it in a little bit of a different way. It's that women's identity is very wrapped up in either how much you get done and how well you do it, or other people's perception of you on some level, right? So you kind of got people pleasing and you kind of got this like perfectionism hyper doing piece of it, right?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (22:28.722)
Mmm. Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (22:35.026)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (22:40.722)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (22:41.75)
And so the way I would say that is, you know, when you're, when you are having an amazing day where you are checking everything off of the list and you feel super productive and you are just, boom, you're killing it. You probably feel amazing about yourself. But if the very next day you can't seem to get to the top three priorities that you would hope to get to the day, you absolutely plummet. And all of a sudden your mindset went from like, I'm amazing, I can do this. I've, I've nailed it to I'm terrible. I bet I shouldn't even be in this job.

I'm an imposter, I'm not enough. All of these things within a matter, sometimes within a matter of moments, can do that. Or the same roller coaster can take place with women's identity that is very hinging on other people's of validation, right? When other people seem to be happy with you and nobody else needs anything from you and there's no deliverables that are out there.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (23:11.954)
Wow, yes.

Rebecca Olson (23:32.866)
Your kids are happy and you're like, I'm great. I'm perfect. This is exactly where I should be. I'm doing everything right. And then the moment somebody kind of pushes back or has to wait on you, all of a sudden your identity literally feels like it's in crisis. It's like, my gosh, I'm not even a great team player. I can't even do this. I'm not a great mom. I'm disappointing people and you kind of plummet. So you go on this roller coaster all throughout your days when your identity is too closely wrapped up.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (23:50.257)
Hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (23:55.046)
Right.

Rebecca Olson (24:00.438)
with your kind of achievements you're achieving and the perception of other people. And we have to get you off of that roller coaster in order to even make any, have any conversation around how we're gonna optimize your time and what your boundaries are gonna look like and those types of things. Because otherwise, as you go about...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (24:16.742)
You're just going to build on a poor foundation.

Rebecca Olson (24:19.882)
You will. And as we go about actually starting to say no to some things and actually pushing back in some ways and your nervous system is going to go crazy because you're going to feel like your identity is threatened. Right. And so we can't we have to kind of take away the threat to your identity by making a foundation of your identity, something else first again, kind of digging into what matters to you. Who am I?

What do I care about? How did God design me? What was I put here on this world? There's so many ways we can go about it. I obviously have a system I take my clients through, but we have to do that work first so you feel like you're off a roller coaster as we start making change.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (24:55.236)
Yes, you do. So here's a thing I want to do that I don't often do this way, but I feel it's so important with with your conversation to do because your niche is somewhat to me. It might not be in the world, but for me, it's sort of a unique niche. And I believe that I want my listeners and viewers because I encounter so many women, particularly

Rebecca Olson (25:24.814)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (25:25.114)
And then for the men who are listening and the young people who are listening to understand how we contribute to this and how we can now help and support the women in our village to know that there are resources and I don't want to say a better way, but a different way, at least if you don't want to think of it as better, but a different way, because what you're doing right now is not working. So paint for us, right?

Rebecca Olson (25:46.998)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (25:52.296)
a more helpful way. How's that?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (25:55.716)
So Rebecca paint for us, the women that you work with are your client avatar, as we call it in the coaching industry. Tell us about what they are going through, what their world looks like on the outside, on the inside, and then tell us about the system that you use, you know, the steps that you use to help them get on this track where fulfillment is a true

expression of their being is what I would say. Not just a destination, a title, a role, but whatever it is they're being in the moment because as women, it's not, I don't feel like it's ever going to change. We're going to wear multiple hats, Rebecca. We're going to always, I feel like we're gifted that as the feminine to really be that in the world, but there are limits. to tell us all those things.

Rebecca Olson (26:28.344)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (26:49.898)
Yeah, yeah. So I, I would say my kind of ideal client, if you will, my ideal avatar, the women that I really speak to in my podcast and my coaching world and, you know, my teachings and things like that are are

what I would consider ambitious women. so I, not everybody resonates with that particular word, word, but what I mean by that is just career, career focused or has been traditionally career focused women that still have outside the home ambitions on some level still have outside the home goals. And they are feeling like they can't really achieve them either at the level they want to or

in the timeframe that they want to because of their role as a mom, right? And so there is this feeling of almost being held back by motherhood. that, again, that's a shameful thought for a lot of women to say, right? To say they're feeling held back by their kids. Whew, that's scary. And yet I know so many women that think that, right? And feel that, and feel that.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (27:45.586)
you

Dr. Alisa Whyte (27:49.67)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (27:56.092)
Quick question, but aren't there people who actually think women are being held back as well? Isn't part of society thinking that as well? A whole lot. Okay.

Rebecca Olson (28:04.041)
yeah, absolutely, absolutely, for sure. mean, and again, and again, systematically, we are on some level, if you start thinking about...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:12.178)
Because I'm like, I know for me there are moments when I'm sitting there, I I see why God did not allow me the opportunity because I wouldn't be able to do this. I wouldn't be able to do that. I wouldn't be able to do that. And then there are times when people will tell me, this is why you don't have kids because you won't be able to do it. I'm like, nah, they would be dragged along with me. There would have been a life created about, let me tell you. And if you laugh about it, because I see my sister and her husband do it anyway.

Rebecca Olson (28:33.216)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course, of course. So there's a lot of that internal push and pull that's going on. A lot of these women have started to dream about what it would be like to take a break. Maybe I just need a sabbatical. Maybe I just need to take a year off. Maybe I just need.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:56.37)
And you do. And you do.

Rebecca Olson (29:00.448)
whatever it might be, right? They start to dream about maybe the only option here is for me to change jobs, change careers, pull back, go back, go part-time, you do something, change my circumstances externally to make my life feel better on some level. It feels like, at some point, it feels like the only option. And for some women, I don't wanna disregard that some women do want that. I just wanna make sure that...

you feel like that was an empowered choice should you decide to do that instead of feeling like it was your only option, in which case it's coming from a place of disempowerment and defeat, right? We never wanna make those kinds of choices. So I always want the women that I work with to feel very empowered in what they choose to do in their career, whether it's to go all in or to pull back in some way, right? Whatever that might look like for them. So.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:37.588)
Mm hmm. Exactly.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:50.576)
Right? Yes.

Rebecca Olson (29:55.21)
There is, and I just, mean, a lot of that was kind of what's going on internally, externally, right? They probably look like they have it all together. And a lot of people say to them, how do you do it? That is a phrase I, so many of my clients hate because we don't internally feel like we're doing it at all, right? We feel like we're failing across the board. And so people are calling that out and you're like, you know, can I, yeah, you just kind of want to say.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (30:15.26)
Exactly, and they don't even, they can't even answer.

When I grow up, I want to be just like you. I remember those words when young people would say that to me years ago and I'm like, no, you don't. No, you don't.

Rebecca Olson (30:30.764)
Right, right, right, right. So they probably look like they have it all together, but they're doing it at the sacrifice of themselves. So you're probably not seeing hardly, if I were to literally look at their calendar, I wouldn't see any time set aside for themselves. I would probably not see any kind of emphasis on health, whether that's everything from movement, working out, to doctor's visits, to dentist visits. Like they're skipping over a lot of the personal.

kind of care, health, know, necessary health things, because it feels like the most flexible thing is to flex yourself on some level, but you kind of flex yourself out into overwhelm, right, and exhaustion. So for sure their calendar is going to tell me a lot about how they're actually probably feeling and doing on the inside, if we were to really dig into it. then with...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:18.373)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (31:23.614)
With my clients, I mean, I am such a systematic thinker. Like I just think very linearly, I need lots of steps. If I can't see how the steps and the system gets me to an end result, I'm so confused. It's like, I don't even know. I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:31.058)
Me too.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:38.96)
What are you doing? Are you just scratching stuff together and think I'm going to follow this? No, I question it in the White House. I'll question it in the boardroom. And if I go to the bathroom and the cleaner is doing some awkward stuff, I'll be like, this doesn't equal that. Explain to me how this works. That's just how I am. And that's because, like you said, I'm so linear and systematic in how I think and do things.

Rebecca Olson (31:56.792)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (32:05.648)
You know, one thing about me, one thing I had to learn to do is not to think that I, that's the right way. It's just my way. And you can't tell me I get results on it. And most people do. That's how the world get results is a lot of systems and organization.

Rebecca Olson (32:16.654)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (32:20.396)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, in this case, we're talking about systemizing like work-life balance in that case. And that feels like you take like a super esoteric idea like balance, right? Balance means something different to you than it does to me, to somebody else on some level. Like we all have kind of a personal definition of that, which is one of the pieces of the puzzle. We have to come to some conclusion for your mind about what that even means, right? Cause I want you to define it for you and your life. But I really have taken a lot, I've put a lot of effort

Dr. Alisa Whyte (32:28.156)
Yes!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (32:46.14)
Right. Right.

Rebecca Olson (32:53.776)
in the hundreds and hundreds of conversations and coaching clients that I've had over the years, like finding the through line of steps that it really takes to get to work-life balance in a very sustainable way. And I use that word really intentionally because we can find work-life balance for a season. I want you to learn how to be able to recreate that no matter what your circumstances are, no matter... Yes, you got it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:06.214)
You want to read loosely, right? Yeah. I like that you said sustainably. Right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:18.738)
on the fly, even when you need to. Right. And that's why I, lot of people would look at my life and how my life is scheduled at this period. And they would be like, you just don't seem to have balance if because of how they perceive balance to be. And so for me, I said, I did the thing about my life. I stopped seeking balance because I am by fault.

Rebecca Olson (33:36.076)
They perceive it right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:44.152)
a scale and weight type person has to be balanced. love, I'm big on equity. I'm big on, you know, equality and all those words that means balance. I was born on it as sign Libra. So I guess that has something to do with it. But for me, I've used the words harmony the last couple of years, why harmony would look like my health, my body, my mind, my spirit and my soul are in alignment.

Rebecca Olson (33:48.216)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (34:04.28)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (34:13.268)
Mm. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:14.242)
And whatever activities I do throughout my journey, day to day, if I'm pushed off that harmonious field, then I'm more than likely stepping outside of balance for me, because sometimes my word for what balance looks like today is different for tomorrow. So for me, I sit and I'm like, okay, if you're inviting me to come speak over here, or you're inviting me to go do.

Rebecca Olson (34:28.887)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (34:33.55)
Sure.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:40.038)
this event or I'm even getting paid for something. It doesn't matter free paid family or not is I feel anxious thinking about saying yes, then it's a no, it's a no to, to that situation, but it's a yes to me because I already had planned. It's going to interrupt my ability to get my 45 minute workout in today and then flow into

Rebecca Olson (34:44.419)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (34:52.302)
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:05.754)
you know, flowing into what I need to take care of. If I think because I have an hour window, I can sneak in this phone call. It makes me feel dysregulated. So it's showing throwing off my, my, my harmony in my life where I'm at peace to do what it is that I'm going to do for today. So it's, it's an, it's a yes to me and a no to them. And so that's how I figured a harmony is. And I want you to comment on that because

Rebecca Olson (35:15.564)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (35:27.639)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:31.268)
a lot of women literally, and I love how you use the word sustainable balance because a lot of us women now, when we're working on better systems to bring more to ourselves and make sure we are in center with ourselves before we serve, we end up now getting confused about, I'm still don't have work life balance. Now for me, I have my non-negotiables in my day. I've, I've got to have my darn eight hours of sleep.

I've got to have my workout. I've got to have plenty of water. I've got to have time to just goof around. When I say goof around, I mean, not necessarily think about nothing. Those are my non-negotiables in today. I've got to have plenty of laughs.

Rebecca Olson (36:15.778)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Love that.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (36:20.398)
And those are non-negotiables. And then it's all the other things I must do to keep building and becoming the woman, the servant leader that I've committed to be. And then everything else gets to figure it out. Good luck. some days you're not welcome. So that's my way. Yeah. So that's my way of creating harm in my life. And sometimes there are more non-negotiables, but those are my baselines. They got to happen. And if they're not happening, I'm not happy.

Rebecca Olson (36:22.968)
Yeah, yeah, I love that.

Rebecca Olson (36:36.588)
Yeah, yeah, I love that. So good.

Rebecca Olson (36:46.124)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So what is interesting about the way you're describing this, yes, you are describing some things that you do, right? And some of the things that you prioritize. however, you're also describing an internal experience of harmony and balance, right? And so the way I, and I like to see this with people a lot and I kind of start, whenever I give a workshop and I...

like on Work-Life Balance, I give them a lot to companies, to like community groups, ERGs, things like that. So sometimes I'll start with like, let's talk about balance for a minute. Like, what do you think it is? And so I'll start getting ideas and I start hearing some of the things that you're talking about. It's like priorities and it's making sure you're prioritizing your health. I start hearing all these things. And so then I get to the point where I said, but what is balance really? When we get down to the heart of it, what do we talk about? What do we really mean when we talk about balance? What are we chasing?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (37:38.642)
Mmm.

Rebecca Olson (37:46.168)
We're chasing a feeling. We're chasing an emotional experience within our life. We even say it, I want to feel balanced. I don't wanna do balanced things. I want to feel balanced. I want something, I want my internal experience of my life to feel a certain way, right? And if we start using other words to describe that, harmony could be one, calm could be another one, present could be another one, aligned.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (37:52.242)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:11.95)
Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (38:14.828)
Yeah, there's some of these other kind of outlier words that we might use to describe the internal experience, but that's what we're all chasing when we talk about work-life balance. And so it's really, it's like, it flips things though when we talk about it in that way, because now we're not chasing a perfect schedule. We're chasing something that's happening on the inside and transformation that happens on the inside doesn't happen externally, it happens internally.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:22.834)
Yes!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:41.298)
It's sustainable, as you said. You said it's sustainable. That's so powerful.

Rebecca Olson (38:44.748)
Yes, exactly, exactly. Because we always have control on what's going on internally, right? We have the most control at least over our internal experience than we have ever have control over our external experience because there's just too many factors we can never control in terms of other people or schedules or things that come at us. We don't get to control that, but we do get to control how we feel about it. And we do get to control how we respond to it and what we think about it and our perspective of it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:54.446)
Yes.

Rebecca Olson (39:12.726)
and how it aligns with things, right? We always have that level of control. And so yes, while we do want to create new habits and systems and prioritize things differently and delegate more and do some of these things that we all kind of know we sort of need to do in a balanced life, we also need to be very intentional about how we're creating an internal experience in our life as well.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:26.063)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:33.67)
what I love that you say, what you're basically saying. Yes, you can build all this, but understand the why, what is the internal destination? Not the final destination, the internal destination, because then and only then you can build a system that is sustainable, right? Exactly. And for each individual, that looks almost as different as our thumbprint.

Rebecca Olson (39:46.957)
Yeah, yeah.

Rebecca Olson (39:54.412)
Yeah. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (40:01.036)
It yeah. It definitely can, though I would say there is a lot that I have learned that is very similar, particularly from the ambitious side of things, very goal-focused women have a lot of very similar struggles, mindsets, perspectives of things that need to sort of be unwind in order to create that. So yes, I do think it's quite different. And there is some...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (40:10.16)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (40:15.644)
Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (40:30.318)
Uniqueness. Yeah. Yeah. So let's talk about your systems that you walk your clients through when you are working with them to bring that harmony in their work life and mom life.

Rebecca Olson (40:30.894)
through line to some of that as well.

Rebecca Olson (40:45.602)
Yeah, so I call it the three C's, just freeze. So the first C, the first C is clarity and clarity can mean there's a couple of sub points to that, but this comes, the general idea of it is that you need to give your brain a sense of direction. Otherwise it's like.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (40:50.086)
Mmm.

Right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (41:03.9)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (41:06.252)
getting, you know, waking up and having no idea what you're supposed to be prioritizing at any given time and what the goal of the day really is and what you should be doing. And so your brain doesn't have any idea. And so you just kind of walk around frantic trying to do everything or do nothing because it's too overwhelming, right? And so, so clear, the clarity piece is always first and it's really important. We've already even touched on that a little bit, right? So clarity over, again, it's kind of the sub points of some of it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (41:21.286)
Ha ha ha.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (41:29.197)
Yes.

Rebecca Olson (41:35.15)
clarity over at least a bit of who you are, putting some definition to you because that is gonna get you off your roller coaster, right? So a little bit of that identity piece of it. There needs to be clarity around what you define as both balance and success because that is wildly different for everyone and we wanna make sure you're framing it in a way that makes sense to you and it feels aligned to you.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (41:37.819)
Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (41:50.866)
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (42:00.268)
And I know we're gonna talk even more about that definition of success in a bit, but that is a piece of my process is helping people define for themselves success and what that looks like for them. So that's gonna help them have a clear framework, right? In the future and what they should be prioritizing. And then the last one is your priorities. You need to be understanding, you need to have a really clear sense of your priorities. In one of my programs, it's called Ambitious and Balanced, I actually...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:06.459)
What success says is very important.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:18.673)
Hmm.

Rebecca Olson (42:28.566)
I actually pick their priorities for them. There's four of them that we focus on in the group. We focus on uninterrupted work time. So time that you've set aside to get your stuff done. You protect it like it's your life. You're off work time, time that you are literally deciding you're not going to be available to work. You're because I work with moms and parents, family time or kid focused time specifically, right? We know lots of research would show your kids don't need

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:35.954)
Big thing. Yes, yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:45.798)
going to work here.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:53.382)
Yes.

Rebecca Olson (42:57.844)
all the time in the world, they do need focus time with you. And that makes us feel like good parents.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:58.93)
Nick focused time. And I liked it. You didn't call it quality. You call it focused because that puts definition variations out of the way.

Rebecca Olson (43:08.278)
Yes, exactly. And then, and then me time and me time for me, I quantify as being you walked away from that experience and you didn't check a checkbox. You actually felt like your cup refilled again. Right. So.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (43:16.85)
Right. Right. Ooh, that's different. So those are the four priorities. It's, it's uninterrupted work time off work time, focused family time. And then the me time makes sense. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (43:31.456)
Yep, that's right. That's right. Again, ours can be others. Marriage should be in there if you have a partnership, right? Your health should be in there on some level. But I start with these four key ones because I have found over the decade that I've been doing this, these are the ones that I see when they are repeated and women learn how to hold to these particular priorities in their life and make them sustainable. All those other ones actually get easier. And so...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (43:36.774)
Right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (43:56.154)
It creates a lot more. Yes, I agree. I can see that because that's kind of how my life is set up that way as well. Just naturally, as I fix myself to be in harmony, this is, this is the system that I have. Those are my non-negotiables.

Rebecca Olson (44:01.431)
It becomes a trickle down effect. Yeah. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (44:11.478)
Right, Yeah, yeah. So clarity is step one. Putting a lot of definition. That's a lot of internal work. It's a lot of asking yourself some big questions and sort of digging into it, right? And it's why I walk my clients through a lot of those things, because it's hard to answer some of that. A lot of clients will come to me and like, I don't even know how to answer that. I'm like, well, that's why you're here. We're going to answer that together. I got you. Don't worry about it. You don't have to know. I'm going to walk you through that process.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (44:18.979)
It is.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (44:30.546)
Exactly.

Rebecca Olson (44:38.07)
So step two is the second C is confidence. And the way I describe confidence in this case is building an inner cheerleader inside of you. So that's how I like to think about confidence. I like to think that you have an internal voice that is supporting you, that is cheering you on, that is reminding you of your potential and your possibilities, that is focused on how you are doing things right instead of hyper-focused on what you're doing wrong.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (44:41.308)
Confidence.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (44:48.656)
Hmm, I love it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:05.458)
Come on. Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (45:07.938)
You know, all of those things. So confidence is, so I kind of put that under the umbrella of confidence, but it's really learning how to think intentionally, specifically about yourself. Yeah. Self-focused, And then the last step, the last C is control. And this is where we actually, it's like the rubber hits the road when it comes to this, right? We did.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:16.248)
Intentional thinking. Yes. Yeah. Ooh, I love it. Love it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:28.466)
Mmm.

Rebecca Olson (45:30.518)
A lot of this has been internal work up to this point, right? We're redefining success. We're putting words to who we are. We're thinking about our priorities. We're building an internal cheerleader. And now we have to actually do something. We have to put up boundaries. We have to say no. We have to delegate. We have to optimize our time. We actually have to do some things. And this

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:40.07)
Yes, now, yes. Control. Yes. Yes.

Rebecca Olson (45:51.006)
to be honest is not rocket science for most of us. If I were to sit down with somebody that's feeling super overwhelmed and I would ask them, do you think it's going to take for you to not feel so overwhelmed? They're going to tell me, well, I need to delegate a little bit more and I probably need to not, you know, focus so much on other people's deadlines and I need to say no. And I probably just need to deny that meeting request. this really, it isn't rocket science. However, it's still hard.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:15.954)
but we don't know how to do it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (46:18.894)
It's still hard and the reason it's hard it's because and this is one of the kind of my coined phrases I use a lot with my clients is is the only the only reason you don't do the things that you know, you should be doing is An emotional and a big emotion has come up that you've been unwilling to overcome in some way. It's all emotion management and so learning how to overcome the

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:31.163)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:36.914)
Ooh, that's big. Wow.

Rebecca Olson (46:47.296)
the big feelings that come when we go after our big life and our big goals, that is a big part of what control is like. So now we're in the process of actually putting it into practice though, and making a commitment to delegate or prioritize differently or say no or whatever it is and learning the tools to overcome the emotions and the mindsets that come in those specific moments. Cause that's really where it all comes down to.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:50.362)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (47:10.802)
Wow. I love it. I love it. Your three C system and you called it. You got what was the alignment system you had?

Rebecca Olson (47:23.052)
system.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (47:23.26)
I think you said that you have this framework that's in alignment. was something, is it unintentional alignment or intentional alignment? I missed it. It just went by me so quickly. I caught it and I held it and I let it go quick because I'm delving into the seas. Well, we will, I'm pretty sure we'll have some more of it coming up. Let's talk, let's do flip the script. This very moment. I love that Rebecca, this is where we talk about us playing when you had to flip.

Rebecca Olson (47:34.444)
No.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (47:51.722)
the mindset or a system in your own life. And so I want you to take us back to when you personally or maybe professionally were in a space where you realized that success without alignment was costing you too much. What was that wake up call? and how did that redefine success for you and change how you lead work and live today?

Rebecca Olson (48:22.328)
So I'm gonna take us back to, you know, really the origin story here that I started with on some level, because when I went through that motherhood identity crisis, a portion of that, a piece of that was sort of recognizing that success that I was adopting, you know, the expectations of success that I was adopting are the one, is what ultimately had been handed down to me, right? I needed to...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (48:27.642)
Yeah. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (48:49.198)
work full time, know, have loved my job. I was supposed to be with my kid as much as possible. I was supposed to, you know, be, was, I was supposed to take no time for ultimately myself because I already spent 10 hours away from them every day. And so every waking moment I was supposed to be with them and I was supposed to love my life. And none of that was working for me. Right. And so it was a season of a lot of confusion and

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:05.586)
you

Rebecca Olson (49:18.496)
a lot of feeling like I didn't have a choice. I felt very stuck in that season of life. I didn't know what I wanted and what I could have and what was possible for me. And I felt very locked into the job I was in because I was the breadwinner and I felt responsible for that. And I had the health insurance. so I, know, obviously I can't make a change in any of this because that would be irresponsible. have a kid, right? And so I felt very stuck in all of that.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:38.13)
you

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:43.395)
Right.

Rebecca Olson (49:47.906)
And it wasn't until I went through that process, of that internal success defining process, ultimately and sort of values and understanding who I was, I you know, I went through my own internal process of that. And then it became my, you know, my process for other people. But as I went through that process and I started to think about, you know, what do I really want for my life? It was that I wanted to do something that was super fulfilling to me every single day.

that I would wake up and couldn't wait to do so that when I was away from my daughter, I wouldn't have any feelings about it, right? Because I knew the trade-off of not being with her was worth it. I wanted to make an impact in this world and I wanted to feel like it was big to me, at least. was, you know, part mission-focused at least. And I never wanted to feel like I couldn't show up for my kids in any activities or ways that I ever would.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:19.504)
Hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:25.394)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (50:46.422)
to. Right? I mean, that was a lot of words to describe, you know, a definition of success for me, but it really was coming to that conclusion that I could have that, you know, I get to decide that for myself. And it wasn't going to be in that job. And so I get to have the, I have to make the change. I have to take the risk on some level and make the change in order to go after my definition of success in this season of life.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:55.226)
You can have that. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:14.066)
And this, yeah, oh, I love that. The next question I had for you, what does calm confidence actually look like in practice for women leading at a high level? At least in 2025. Let's bring it to modern day women.

Rebecca Olson (51:31.406)
Yeah. So confidence is an interesting word, you know, and I, I, I piece this apart a lot with people because we, we like to think confidence is kind of expertise or knowledge and that more expertise or knowledge builds confidence. And I'm not going to disagree with you on some level. However, I would, I would actually say that when you, when you have more experience,

you're building up your expertise when you are learning how to follow something other than the known, then you're living with confidence, right? And so I like to say that a confident person trusts their instincts while an expert trusts their knowledge, right? And so we kind of have to piece this apart a little bit. And I say that because

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:00.71)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:11.462)
Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:23.09)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (52:29.378)
To live with calm confidence, you have to be following a lot of your hunches all of the time. And you have to be supporting your hunches with evidence of why that's the right decision instead of spending time considering why it might be the wrong decision. A confident decision maker spends more time focused on why their decisions are right instead of poking holes in how they could be wrong.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:36.11)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:49.01)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:57.37)
I agree.

Rebecca Olson (52:58.432)
And so that's where confidence comes is an ability to say, think this is what I should do. I think this is what I should prioritize. I think this is the way we should take this presentation. I think this is the angle we should approach this at. I think this is how I wanna structure my time. And then instead of going, well, or I could do this, or I could do this, but maybe if I did that, that's not gonna work out so well. Instead you say, I think this is what I should do.

here are my reasons why, and then you don't think about anything else. You move forward, you move forward with that decision based on what you think is right, right? And the more you come back to I'm making this decision, here's why, the more it's like grounded in reasoning that is very conscious to you and clear to you, the more calm you're gonna feel about your decisions, ultimately.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:28.078)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:35.708)
Fight!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:49.426)
Mmm, that's, that's fire. I'm going to ask this question. Can women have it all?

Rebecca Olson (53:58.804)
I absolutely believe that women can have it all. I think that having it all, we have to talk about what having it all means on some level, right? I mean, we've got to start with the clarity process, clarity, confidence, control. You know, you have to decide what that means for you. For me, does it mean that I'm never going to have competing priorities? No. Does it mean I'm never going to have to choose between two good things? Of course not, right? Having it all.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:07.302)
part. That's absolutely, you sound just like me when I answer that question. Right. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:22.0)
Right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:25.977)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (54:28.242)
is being able to focus on the things that actually matter to me, even when I have to decide to do that and let some other good thing go. We like to think having it all means there's like absence of conflict between good things in life and priorities. I don't think that's the reality for us as human beings. isn't it a gift, I like to flip the switch for a lot of my clients, like isn't it a gift that you get to choose between two amazing things in your life?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:40.082)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:47.972)
never gonna happen.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:57.196)
Exactly. To be able to write. Right. I absolutely agree with her.

Rebecca Olson (54:57.782)
Like, isn't that, how privileged are you? Isn't that amazing? What a great God we have that gave you like lots of opportunity to do that, right? Like, so you just get to decide how you look at that. And if you think that the conflict of priorities means that you don't get to have it all and you actually have to be, and that is more of like a selective life, you get to decide that too on some level. But I just don't think it's a, I don't think it's a helpful definition to think that having it all means we're not.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (55:05.358)
Exactly.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (55:21.272)
Exactly.

I agree.

Rebecca Olson (55:27.36)
going to have to make really hard priority-based decisions. Because we will.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (55:32.624)
I think that's when we think about life as a, like it's a composite, like it's like a loaf of bread where everything, if you don't put all the ingredients in at the same time, you won't have bread. That's not how our life is. I think it's more of a linear, it's a journey. So over the course of my life, I can accomplish all the things that I desire to accomplish. just, think my definition when I say can we not have, yes we can.

I believe my thing would say we're not able to have it. We're not able to have it all at the same time and still be in harmony with ourselves.

Rebecca Olson (56:09.634)
same time.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (56:13.36)
There are times you're going to be choosing I'm this, this, and sometimes life chooses for you. Maybe for those first three years, your biggest wins are going to come from being a mother. And then secondarily it's being a wife and then being a great boss at your job. And maybe you can't do all those three at the same time. So you're like, you know what? I'm taking a different position. I'm going to.

run a consulting forum while I raised my daughter until she's five and be a great wife. And, that's fine, but you're just, whatever you do, you're still in alignment and you feel in harmony and you feel at peace or whatever that emotion is that you talked about with yourself and that's it. It's not on anyone else's terms. Yes. I think we get into confusion when we want to have it all based on what the outside of us determines all should be.

Rebecca Olson (56:58.232)
Yeah. That's that's a habit in all life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:08.804)
or maybe could be for us. And I think that's when we have issues because we're trying to chase something that is outside of us that's created a standard or a blueprint that is not our own. feel that's when having it all becomes elusive or more of a debt by trial and error sort of deal. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (57:21.07)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Olson (57:24.899)
Yeah.

Right, Right. Or there's a massive cost to it in terms of your health or sleep deprivation or exhaustion or risk of stroke goes up like 33 % for those that are in a constant state of overwhelm. Like it's a massive, sure, can, you wanna do all those things and shorten your life.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:44.754)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:50.738)
have it all. That's a choice.

Rebecca Olson (57:51.542)
You can do that if you want. mean, it's a choice. I just want you to love your reasons for that choice and make it super consciously. But if that's how you want to live, mean, that's again, you can choose to do that. There's just often consequence associated to that. I talk a lot to my clients when we're talking about priorities. I think...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:57.842)
and be comfortable with it.

Rebecca Olson (58:12.982)
in order to have like a truly, a life where you feel really successful and you feel like you're living, you know, sustainably balanced, it's going to be a ruthlessly edited life. It's going to be a life where you're all into a few things that matter to you and you've let the rest go. That's.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (58:23.673)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (58:30.064)
Even let it go.

Rebecca Olson (58:31.522)
That's what's gonna be required in order for you to have that kind of life. And we could see examples of that across anyone that we would culturally talk about as being successful. They have ruthlessly edited their life down to a few things that they went all in for and became successful at. And that's what they did. And so that's what it takes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (58:48.53)
That's what it takes. So now mine to fights to go, Rebecca. This is where I want to give you the floor about 90 seconds. I step away from the microphone and the camera. And your question today is what's one truth every ambitious working mom needs to hear right now. If you had to leave them with these words, what would you say? Here you go.

Rebecca Olson (59:15.694)
You don't have to choose. You can have a career that you absolutely love, that you are designed to be in, that you put effort to build, and you can be the present amazing mom that you also want to be. It is when we, when you...

take away the conflict between career and family and believe that these things actually support each other and have and there's a path forward where both feel successful at the same time, then you are going to have that all in life that we all crave. That's where you're going to not get to your kid's high school graduation and regret decisions that you made either to go all into your career or to pull back in it. I

never want you to ever feel like you made decisions that you wish you wouldn't have made. And the path forward there is first deciding that you can have all of the things that you want and to not feel limited or held back by our culture, by what you think is your capacity, by your family systems, by anything, by anything ultimately, right? Success lies within you.

and your potential and it's never outside of you. It's the most helpful belief to live by.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:44.302)
I love it. I love it. Love it. Love it. my goodness. That's I have to play that again because that even spoke to me. I have to ask you because you have brought something along with you. It's called a daily kickstart. simple morning practice designed to help women stay ahead of stress and overwhelm. So can you tell us a little bit more about that?

Rebecca Olson (01:01:01.313)
Yes.

Rebecca Olson (01:01:05.482)
I would love to. So this is a practice that really comes along with my second sea of confidence, building your inner cheerleader. Right. So remember the way I described that was that you have to have a really in you have to have an internal voice that's very supportive of you. And that is not how our brains are designed. Our brains are not designed to be super supportive of us. They're designed for safety. They're designed for survival. They're designed to point out failure and not enoughness. So this practice is a way to

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:01:24.956)
Right?

Rebecca Olson (01:01:36.496)
start learning how to think on purpose, specifically how to think on purpose about yourself. And so it takes 10 minutes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:01:41.596)
Yes.

Rebecca Olson (01:01:44.308)
It consistently is a practice that my clients tell me time and time again. was probably the most life-changing one that I offered to them as we made it a habit in their life where you take 10 minutes, you walk through six questions where you are basically thinking about what do I want to believe about myself today? I want to believe I'm enough. I want to believe I'm valuable to my company. I want to believe that I deserve to be here. I want to believe that I am good enough and that I'm doing enough and that I'm a great mom.

shoes? What do you want to believe about yourself today? And then the rest of the questions kind of help support you in in kind of bolstering that belief. Again, super systematic, because that's who I am. It doesn't take you more than 10 minutes. And I promise as you start to do this, even if you just committed to a week, you will see a difference as your brain starts to be able to access those really positive, supportive thoughts throughout your day, not just in those 10 minutes that you spend doing that.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:02:40.294)
That's good stuff. I can't wait to try it. I usually get into this stuff before the episode, but I missed it. But I'm so happy it's a tool that's available. So tell us where we can access it. This this really powerful tool to help us get ourselves going.

Rebecca Olson (01:02:48.59)
you

Rebecca Olson (01:02:56.718)
Yes, so the way to get that is to go to www.ambitiousandbalanced.com and then forward slash daily dash kickstart. And hopefully you'll have that in the show notes somewhere so that people can find that it's kind of a long URL.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:11.09)
You absolutely will. Yes, we have it in the show notes wherever you're listening and watching this episode. And if you're just catching a clip, you can hop on there and go, it's right there. It's on our website too at mindsetmasterymoments.com. We will have the link as well under Rebecca's bio where you'll see the link. We'll have that link as well for you to download, do that. And then reach out and let her know how it's been affecting.

Rebecca Olson (01:03:39.755)
is.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:40.37)
positive changes in your world and in your day. Rebecca, what's your favorite way for us to connect with you in addition to that?

Rebecca Olson (01:03:48.054)
So I am most active on LinkedIn. So please do find me there. I am also on Instagram, but LinkedIn is really where I love to be. And so you can look me up there, Rebecca Olson coaching, you're gonna find me.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:50.417)
Okay.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:00.668)
Very well, that's in the description as well. Now, Rebecca, thank you so much for being here. You have bring so much clarity, honesty, and calm to this conversation many women desperately need. I really appreciate you.

Rebecca Olson (01:04:15.778)
Thank you so much for having me. It has been such, such an honor.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:18.584)
It is, and you all know she has an amazing podcast. We're going to put that in the link to and in our pod roll. Yeah. Yeah.

Rebecca Olson (01:04:23.542)
that's really where you can find me. That's really what I should have said. Ambitious and balanced working moms. Absolutely. If you want more of this type of content, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:30.456)
We are going to have it and add it to our pot roll. So it's right there. You're to see the link in the description as well. And you will see her when you go to our podcast, it will come up as a recommended one of my faves as well, because I already listened to quite a few episodes and it's even she goes into the stuff more of what you've gotten here on this episode. So connect.

And here's what I want you to take away with this conversation is that you don't need to do more to be worthy. You don't need to burn out to be successful and you absolutely don't need permission to build a life that's actually supports you. Ambition isn't the enemy on examine ambition actually is Rebecca again, we will see you again. I can't wait to do another episode with you and to our listeners. If this episode spoke to you, don't just nod along, apply it, share it, revisit it.

Rebecca Olson (01:05:13.742)
Thank

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:05:23.362)
And let Rebecca know, reach out, send her a DM on LinkedIn that this has meant something to you. Keep mastering your mindset. Think, speak, do, become, and the mindset is always the key to your success. We'll see you on the next one. Bye bye.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:05:38.95)
That was so good, I can't believe.